The idea that you're supposed to do everything on your own is absurd. You can't.

James Franco, acting, teaching, directing, writing, producing, photography, soundtracks, editing - is there anything you can do?

Have you ever noticed that your ugliest friend is the most afraid of getting ruffied? It's like relax. YOU can take the coaster off your drink. There are at least three of us in line ahead of you.

Love is telling someone their hair extensions are showing.

Justin's fan are called Beliebers because it's politically incorrect to use the word retards.

I'm not saying Martha Stewart is old, but she needs a new Walker more than the 'Fast and Furious' franchise.

Gluten free pizza elicits the same response at a hollywood party that a pile of cocaine did in the 80's.

College seems like a pretty expensive way to become an alcoholic.

If Jesus had known that his image would end up on Justin Bieber's calf, he would've never started Christianity.

Why does every flight attendant seem like they are going through a divorce?

Have you ever noticed that your ugliest friend is most afraid of being raped?

God I loved Sammy. I’d considered marrying him, but his wife got upset when I asked for his hand.

I think one thing as far as my learning curve and what I'm learning - there is a time to take a sack, and then there is also a time to try to find a way to maybe throw the ball at a receiver's feet.

In the north we could not hope to keep the worst and poorest servant for a single day in the wretched discomfort in which our negro servants are forced habitually to live.

As a result of the cold, the machine-guns were no longer able to fire...the result of all this was a panic...The battle worthiness of our infantry is at an end

I don't really plan what comes out of my mouth, and that's what makes most of my lyrics entertaining.

The satisfaction that I get from doing what I do is not what I thought. I thought it would be that I'd feel like a star, I'd feel important. But I don't

I don't think there's any money to be made doing something that's that contemporary without having a spin on it. If there's a London riots film with zombies, that'd have more chance.

This is why it is good to remember: if you want to get high, don’t drink whiskey; read Shakespeare, Tennyson, Keats, Neruda, Hopkins, Millay, Whitman, aloud and let your body sing.

I'm still talking about some heavy issues, but it feels a lot happier to me.

I only feel better because people aren't being so abusive to me about my weight.