The ideal Christmas gift is money, but the trouble is you can't charge it.

An optimist stays up until midnight to see the new year in. A pessimist stays up to make sure the old year leaves.

We hope that, when the insects take over the world, they will remember with gratitude how we took them along on all our picnics.

The eagle may soar; beavers build dams.

The US has not imposed democracy in Yemen, its people have.

The whale is endangered, while the ant continues to do just fine.

Even pearls are dark before the whiteness of his teeth.

Money won't buy happiness, but it will pay the salaries of a large research staff to study the problem.

Youth is when you're allowed to stay up late on New Year's Eve. Middle age is when you're forced to.

Now that women are jockeys, baseball umpires, atomic scientists, and business executives, maybe someday they can master parallel parking.

The government is shutting down the coal industry, they say it's cheaper to draw nuclear power off the French grid and cheaper to buy coal from Colombia.

What you can't get out of get into wholeheartedly.

Writing is a solitary pursuit and I think you have to be partially at peace with yourself, but it's the other part that's usually producing the stuff worth reading.

there’s nothing more powerful than human fear—not magic, not vampire strength. Nothing.

Nature is none other than God in all things. Animals and plants are living effects of Nature; Whence all of God is in all things.

All I ever wanted to do is make people laugh.

It is easy to be compassionate with other people's money

A small pepperoni pizza on a tortilla is healthier than salmon teriyaki with rice and carrots.

If the economy grows enough, fast enough, the tech system should be modernized so that the tax revenues rise fast enough also, and we should put more money in education.

What madness it is for a man to starve himself to enrich his heir, and so turn a friend into an enemy! For his joy at your death will be proportioned to what you leave him.

The way we teach is a very linear kind of way.