The imagination can be dangerous. It can change the world. And that is why we write.

Perhaps the way to succeed is to think of life on Earth as a colossal joke, a creation of such immense stupidity that the only way to live is to laugh until you think your heart will break.

I don't get nearly enough credit in life for the things I manage not to say.

Self-knowledge is essential not only to writing, but to doing almost anything really well. It allows you to work through from a deep place - from the deep, dark corners of your subconscious mind.

Osbert was the only one who didn't seem suspicious. He was so interested in the Decline of Western Civilization that he missed the version of it taking place under his nose.

This was what happiness felt like - this wondrous, miraculous alternative to dread.

While working in advertising, I channelled my creative energy into elaborate escape fantasies: cake making, dog breeding, the Peace Corps.

Things Happen and once they start happening you pretty much just to hold on for dear life and see where they drop you when they stop.

If you haven't been in a war and are wondering how long it takes to get used to losing everything you think you need or love, I can tell you the answer is no time at all.

The soldier had stamped my passport FAMILY in heavy black capital letters and I checked it now for reassurance and because I liked how fierce the word looked

Ask any comedian, tennis player, chef. Timing is everything.

Regret is an appalling waste of energy you can't build on it it is good only for wallowing.

You've got to get up every morning with determination if you're going to go to bed with satisfaction.

The world is ruled by other people, than people believe to know.

Gratitude is a burden, and every burden is made to be shaken off.

Morality is the herd-instinct in the individual.

I have to be clear with myself and very conscious of what I am trying to say. Misunderstandings will always take place; it's unavoidable.

Nice Kerrick was scarier than Mean Kerrick.

You don't pick dance. Dance picks you.

Trust me, when they read the [Oscar] results, my face was...frozen. But then I thought about it, and I just decided just to...let it go.

If you cast away one cross, you will certainly find another, and perhaps a heavier.