The interesting thing about grief, I think, is that it is its own size. It is not the size of you. It is its own size. And grief comes to you.

God works in mysterious ways but at least he works, he's never on welfare in a mysterious way.

Folks, I don't trust children. They're here to replace us.

Internet users, that blue screen of death you were looking at this morning? That's the sky. If you're still confused, look it up on Wikipedia tomorrow.

It would be a very short pint. It would be gummy bears and matzah, and be called Chewy Jewy.

I'm a satirist, so I've got boxing gloves on if the person is worthy of satire. But I'm not an assassin.

This is America. We must defend the principles symbolized by Lady Liberty - unless she's on the pill, in which case, she is a giant green tramp.

Don't cry over spilled milk. By this time tomorrow, it'll be free yogurt.

An apple a day keeps anyone away, if you throw it hard enough.

Contrary to what people may say, there's no upper limit to stupidity.

What does Karl Marx put on his pasta? Communist Manipesto!

In any compromise between food and poison, it is only death that can win. In any compromise between good and evil, it is only evil that can profit.

The essence of greatness is service to others.

Read a different Africa. Love a vibrant Africa.

Many of us spend more time on the C's of life than on the A's of life. Don't allow trivial things to crowd out the important ones.

Nothing makes me more pessimistic than the obligation not to be pessimistic.

Only in romance novels or in thrillers people live outside of a social and political context.

When I come home, I'm just Maisie, and everywhere I go, I'm just Maisie!

A soiled baby with a neglected nose cannot be conscientiously regarded as a thing of beauty.

First comes thought; then organization of that thought, into ideas and plans; then transformation of those plans into reality. The beginning, as you will observe, is in your imagination.

I decide immediately if I like a person and if I do, then I'm myself, and if I don't, then I give nothing.