The irony is of course that my career has lasted a whole lot longer than some of the people I've parodied over the years.

It doesn't take a military genius to see we'll all be crispy critters after World War III.

As my father used to tell me, the only true sign of success in life is being able to do for a living that which makes you happy.

In heaven there is no beer. That's why we drink ours here.

If money can't buy happiness, then I guess I'll have to rent it.

You got me stranded on the bungee tower of love.

I'm still a geek on the inside, that's the important thing.

At this point I've got a bit of a track record. So people realize that when 'Weird Al' wants to go parody, it's not meant to make them look bad... it's meant to be a tribute.

If you want to avoid heated arguments, never discuss religion, politics, or whether the toilet paper roll should go over or under.

As a wise man once said, “April Fools Day is for amateurs. You NEVER need an excuse to mess with people's heads.”

Nows the time to go for all the gusto you can grab. You'll have plenty of time to be low-key when you're laid out on the slab.

It is naive to think that success will drop into our lives like manna from heaven

I could recall countless illustrations of men and women who have encountered Jesus Christ . . .Their whole lives have been transformed.

Life's a crapshoot, Sam. At least you filled the cheap seats.

Work ethic, confidence, a laser focus and commitment to accomplish a goal that most people can never imagine.

Even dogs and horses have their actions modified by association with human beings; they form different habits because human beings are concerned with what they do.

With thee goes Thy husband, him to follow thou art bound; Where he abides, think there thy native soil.

We should be focusing on building things that do not exist.

Before it is too late, we must narrow the gaping chasm between our proclomations of peace and our lowly deeds which precipitate and perpetuate war.

I just want to do something big if I do anything at all.

Successful hedge funds will be entrepreneurial; it is the essence of the craft.