The joy a person is usually seen to express at the conversion of another to his opinion is seldom more than the impulse of egotistical satisfaction at being considered worthy of didactic imitation.

They say that if you're afraid of homosexuals, it means that deep down inside you're actually a homosexual yourself. That worries me because I'm afraid of dogs.

I don't know the difference between a hippie and a hipster but, it's fun to watch either one of them get beat up.

Yeah man, they call gambling a disease, but it's the only disease where you can win a bunch of money.

Note to self: no matter how bad life gets, there's always beer.

When I hear a guy lost a battle to cancer, that really did bother me, that that's a term. It implies that he failed and that somebody else that defeated cancer is heroic and courageous.

I'm thankful for women. I think women are more intelligent than men. Also, without women, there would be no cookies.

You know, with Hitler, the more I learn about that guy, the more I don't care for him.

You ever see 'The Dating Game'? That's a weird game show. The prize on that show: another contestant. Talk about cheap.

The first principle of solid wisdom is discretion, without it all the erudition of life is merely bagatelle.

I always told everybody the perfect joke would be where the setup and punch line were identical.

A book is a suicide postponed.

Addiction to reading... There are worse things in the world to be Addicted to. I admire your hobby choice it's mine as well.

Any time you think limitation it is not spiritual or god based,

Sweatpants are a sign of defeat. You lost control of your life so you bought some sweatpants.

Failure is a trickster with a keen sense of irony and cunning. It takes great delight in tripping one when success is almost within reach

I sold my soul to the devil in L.A. He said 'sign your name here on the dotted line and your songs they all will play.'

bees dig the plum blossoms

Science is morally neutral, but social science shows us that some moral codes are better than others.

I've paid the price; I definitely have a reputation that precedes me, and there is a camp that plots my demise. But then again... it's funner that way.

The past is the past. Don't let it kill you.