The key to eating healthy is not eating any food that has a TV commercial.

I used to think I was a little unstable, and then I met every girl I've ever dated.

Saturday night is perfect for writers because other people have "plans.

What I really need is a woman who loves me for my money but doesn't understand math.

Falling in love is a completely transcendent experience. It's like eating pizza-flavored ice cream

Dopamine is a chemical released in your brain and your body when you sleep that paralyzes your body so you don't act out your dreams.

The one thing you're most reluctant to tell. That's where the comedy is.

I love pizza so much, I would marry pizza, but it would just be an elaborate ploy to eat her whole family at the reception.

Creepy people do the things that decent people want to do, but have decided are not a great idea.

It was a hard name having growing up as a child. Some kids would call me names like "Birbiglebug" and "Birbibliography" and "Faggot". Some were more clever than others.

I'm a big fan of pastries the size of a baby that contain enough calories for a year. That seems like an effective use of time.

That girl has done things to your head.'He pats my back, 'Don’t pretend she’s not crawling inside of yours.

They are sharing a drink called loneliness.

My former wife made me a millionaire. I used to have three million dollars.

Contemplation seems to be about the only luxury that costs nothing.

In film school, I knew I wanted to be a director, but I found out pretty damn quickly that nobody was just going to hand me a script to direct.

Racing is the only time I feel whole.

Everything matters, but nothing matters very much.

The world needs more women filmmakers, so we have to keep encouraging ourselves and one another, and eventually things must get easier for us.

Life isn’t worth living if you’re scared all the time.

The Beat thing happened when I was younger. I used to run away from home, inspired by the Beats, like in '64 and '65.