The killjoys initiated automobile crash standards so rigorous that we can't buy a car that hasn't been dropped from the top of a phone pole with our whole family strapped inside.

Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys.

There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL convertible.

Mercedes Benz : A mechanical device that increases sexual arousal in women.

Tabasco sauce is to bachelor cooking what forgiveness is to sin.

A firm, hearty handshake gives a good first impression, and you'll never be forgiven if you don't live up to it.

At the core of liberalism is the spoiled child — miserable, as all spoiled children are, unsatisfied, demanding, ill-disciplined, despotic and useless. Liberalism is a philosophy of sniveling brats.

There's a whiff of the lynch mob or the lemming migration about any overlarge concentration of like-thinking individuals, no matter how virtuous their cause.

Even very young children need to be informed about dying. Explain the concept of death very carefully to your child. This will make threatening him with it much more effective.

Watching Republicans in Washington is like watching lemmings, if lemmings jumped into cesspools instead of off cliffs. Splash! There goes Mark Foley!

Authority has always attracted the lowest elements in the human race

I thought: pity the poor in spirit who know neither the enchantment nor the beauty of language.

You're born with the power of love, why you are looking for power of destruction?

Hold tight, and I promise to do the same. We don't need a safety net Zena. We have each other.

There's no room for hate and violence in this world. We must learn to be more kind, compassionate, empathetic, and sympathetic to humanity.

Contempt for happiness is usually contempt for other people's happiness, and is an elegant disguise for hatred of the human race.

True love is the unearned compliment, the gift forever giving.

Although individual temperaments vary, boys are designed to be more assertive, audacious, and excitable than girls are.

Even when we sleep we watch over one another.

There is nothing more depressing than toast that no one eats.

I accept no principles of physics which are not also accepted in mathematics.