The last time the French asked for 'more proof' it came marching into Paris under a German flag

Next in importance to having a good aim is to recognize when to pull the trigger.

They say there are about 12 million illegal immigrants in this country. But if you ask a Native American, that number is more like 300 million.

Are we sure this is a good time to take God out of the Pledge of Allegiance?

I feel like Bush presidencies are like "Godfather" films. You should stop at two.

I was Christmas shopping and ran into a guy on the street. I noticed his watch and said that it runs slow. He said, "So does the guy I stole it from."

President Bush says he needs a month off to unwind. Unwind? When the hell does this guy wind?

Traffic signals in New York are just rough guidelines.

The White House is giving George W. Bush intelligence briefings. You know? some of these jokes just write themselves.

Way too much coffee. But if it weren't for the coffee, I'd have no identifiable personality whatsoever.

Somebody threw a book at President Obama. If you're trying to scare a president by throwing a book at him, you're one president too late.

Forget the secrets of success, use Cosmic Ordering instead.

Much of history turns out to be the consequence of small acts of fortune, accident or luck, good or bad.

God promises to hear and answer our prayers, but he doesn't always answer the way we want him to.

Tomorrow is a blank canvas and you are the artist.

Our immediate striving must be aimed at preventing what, in the present situation, is the greatest threat to the very survival of mankind, the nuclear threat.

I guess if you're a normal person and all of a sudden you're getting $10 million a year, it can go to your head.

Stephen Hawking: Brainier than Kurt Cobain's garage wall.

There needs to be nationalist and republican confidence in unionism.

I'm good with telling people what I think, too, but I don't know why people are so content to treat each other poorly.

Love does not come and go; we are the ones who come and go.