The law is where reality goes to die.

A hundred percent of marriages end in divorce, disappearance or death.

A sniper is like a genius - it’s not enough to be one, you have to be one at something.

One thing you’ll say for skeletons, they’ll always give you a smile.

The optimist sees the future as a rabbit sees the oncoming truck - getting bigger, not closer.

In America, fundamentalist Christians believe the world was created 6,000 years ago - in England people drink in bars that are older than that.

Biting enemies seems to be acceptable in a surprisingly narrow range of circumstances, or so a ninja shouted at me once

We have truth in order not to die of art.

He has been positively growing tusks trying to create a breed of human insect which will continue to live on this accursed planet. Everyone needs a goal.

Dreams always end before you kill the last person.

Fractal litigation, whereby the flapping of a butterfly’s wings on one side of the world resulted in a massive compensation claim on the other.

only kindness that raises its headfrom the crowd of the world to sayit is I you have been looking for, and then goes with you everywherelike a shadow or a friend.

Friends are the thermometer by which we may judge the temperature of our fortunes.

No one knows what a marriage is like except the two people in it - and sometimes one of them doesn't know.

Every relationship is an experiment and what one learns from it is so fascinating.

He who has the courage to laugh is almost as much a master of the world as he who is ready to die.

One of these days they'll be making a film where the whole human race gets wiped out in a nuclear war, but everything works out in the end.

Ken Bates is a football cretin.

Light is something like raindrops each little lump of light is called a photon and if the light is all one color, all the "raindrops" are the same.

How much longer are you going to be a pupil? From now on do some teaching as well.

The wisest among you is he whose sustenance is the fear of Allah.