The laws of thought are also the laws of things: of things in the remotest space and the remotest time.

You are never too old to set another goal or to dream a new dream.

Failures are finger posts on the road to achievement.

I know lots of people who are educated far beyond their intelligence.

It's difficult to think anything but pleasant thoughts while eating a homegrown tomato.

There's no such thing as being too Southern.

The game of life is a lot like football. You have to tackle your problems, block your fears, and score your points when you get the opportunity.

Baptists never make love standing up. They're afraid someone might see them and think they're dancing.

It's better to have died a small child than to be a politician who gets caught in a scandal during a slow news month.

You call to a dog and a dog will break its neck to get to you. Dogs just want to please. Call to a cat and its attitude is, 'What's in it for me?'

Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and give her a house.

Simple works, complex fails.

Simply stated, girls want role models and mentors.

I make a lot of jokes about vegetarians in my act but most of them don't have the strength to protest.

...one emotion after another crept into her face like objects into a slowly developing picture.

Danny and I wrote 10 songs in seven days, which I thought might be close to the record until you probably look at some of the Beatles statistics.

It is the minority that has stood in the vain of every moral conflict, and achieved all that is noble in the history of the world.

When you consider the opportunity and power He had to really do a job, and then look at the stupid, ugly little mess He made of it instead, His sheer incompetence is almost staggering.

Whatever you can lose, you should reckon of no account.

Man is rated the highest animal, at least among all animals who returned the questionnaire.

A kind word is no substitute for a piece of herring or a bag of oats.