The left are afraid of independent thinkers. They are afraid of people who are able to reason and think on their own.

If Thomas Jefferson thought taxation without representation was bad, he should see how it is with representation.

Poverty is not the root cause of crime.

Liberals attempt through judicial activism what they cannot win at the ballot box.

We're not sexists, we're chauvinists - we're male chauvinist pigs, and we're happy to be because we think that's what men were destined to be. We think that's what women want.

End results that work that don’t involve government threaten liberals.

You know why there's a Second Amendment? In case the government fails to follow the first one.

Styrofoam and plastic milk jugs are biodegradable! Do you know what isn't biodegradable? Paper!

I think cigars are just a tremendous addition to the enjoyment of life.

The NAACP should have riot rehearsal. They should get a liquor store and practice robberies.

In a country of children where the option is Santa Claus or work, what wins?

The best way out is always through.

My mouth crashes onto hers, and as our bodies sway in time to the music, our tongues dance to a rhythm that’s all their own. Spencer tastes of liquor and spearmint gum. She smells like heaven.

What person, confined in a small room with nothing but a tea-cosy, will not eventually put the tea-cosy on their head?

I'd love to be popular in Barcelona. That sounds like a fun job

If you stick a Babel fish in your ear you can instantly understand anything said to you in any form of language.

I'm very shy, and I shy away from people. But the moment I hit the stage, it's a different feeling I get nerve from somewhere; maybe it's because it's something I love to do.

And here I am, dying in my bed, like cattle die. May the eyes of cowards never sleep.

My dad has always been the bohemian.

When you die, they can make you into diamonds now. It’s scientific. That’s how I want to be remembered. I want to shine.

If it gets laughs, it’s funny.