The left promises abortion rights and cradle to the grave protection, so the trick is to make it to the cradle.

Here in Hollywood you can actually get a marriage license printed on an Etch-A-Sketch.

The radical right is so homophobic that they're blaming global warming on the AIDS quilt.

Washington, DC is to lying what Wisconsin is to cheese.

The easiest job in the world has to be coroner. Surgery on dead people. What's the worst thing that could happen? If everything went wrong, maybe you'd get a pulse.

We need anything politically important rationed out like Pez: small, sweet, and coming out of a funny, plastic head.

You've got bad eating habits if you use a grocery cart in 7-Eleven.

Maybe democrats will eventually turn on Obamacare when they realize you might need a photo I.D. to participate in the program.

Xenophobia doesn't benefit anybody unless you're playing high-stakes Scrabble.

There is a chalk outline slowly being drawn around common sense and most people can't identify the victim.

It's foolish to be prejudiced. There are so many reasons to hate people on an individual basis.

Grace is released more abundantly as you work.

But all propositions of logic say the same thing. That is, nothing.

The first step out of the gate has to be knowing where you want to end up. What do you really want from your company?

The greatest mathematicians, as Archimedes, Newton, and Gauss, always united theory and applications in equal measure.

You can't deny your limitations.

My God grant me love for that which has splendor, but in this time of my life let me strive for attainable things.

But on a clear, sunny day? How would she know to flee when she couldn't see any place for danger to hide?

The healing that can grow out of the simple act of telling our stories is often quite remarkable.

We just were a band one day. We woke up and in the morning we were a band.