The liberality of one who has much, in permitting one who has nothing to get all that he can.

Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.

The most affectionate creature in the world is a wet dog.

War is God's way of teaching Americans geography.

In our civilization, and under our republican form of government, intelligence is so highly honored that it is rewarded by exemption from the cares of office.

Mayonnaise: One of the sauces which serve the French in place of a state religion.

Admiral. That part of a warship which does the talking while the figurehead does the thinking.

Spring beckons! All things to the call respond; the trees are leaving and cashiers abscond.

NEPOTISM, n. Appointing your grandmother to office for the good of the party.

Divorce: a resumption of diplomatic relations and rectification of boundaries.

Clairvoyant, n.: A person, commonly a woman, who has the power of seeing that which is invisible to her patron - namely, that he is a blockhead.

A wise person is able to bring down a thousand armies with a single insight

Great people will always be mocked by those who feel smaller than them.

He who steals a belt buckle pays with his life

Freaks are called freaks and are treated as they are treated – in the main, abominably – because they are human beings who cause to echo, deep within us, our most profound terrors and desires.

I never got into things to be famous. Sometimes its fun, sometimes its annoying.

It is the Nobel Prize I want. It's worth $400,000.

It is surely only a matter of time before some federal judge finds the Constitution unconstitutional.

Trust is the easiest thing in the world to lose, and the hardest thing in the world to get back.

Somebody said, 'Roger doesn't know how to spend money.' And I thought, 'I don't spend money because I don't have it!' If I had it, I could spend money! That's about the only time I was told that!

Love winter when the plant says nothing.