The little woman, wearing a pink and black zigzag-striped pantsuit over a black turtleneck, resembled a skinny zebra who'd OD'd on Pepto-Bismol.

Have ye ever known a female who wasna a bit of a witch in her own sweet way?

A bear! I've landed on a wild and wicked bear!

What the feckin' hell is PMS, I'd like to ken?""Petty Male Shit, " she yelled.

Driving a stolen plane will be nothing compared to the ride with a fired-up Scot.

He was so damn hard, he could chip the ice from his truck's windshield with his rigid pecker.

I think...I shall call ye Beauty, for I shall be yer beast.

Ye have taught me something I never understood.""What? How to get rid of Parisian Pink Pecker Disease?

If ye wear underwear, it's a skirt. If ye dinna, it's a kilt.

On the radio, turned low, Reba sang of hard times with the full authority of a cross-eyed redheaded millionaire.

Many of life's circumstances are created by three basic choices: the disciplines you choose to keep the people you chose to be with and the laws you choose to obey.

When bad things happen to you, become wiser, not bitter.

We are an unfortunate priest-ridden race and always were and always will be tell the end of the chapter.... A priest-ridden Godforsaken race.

No human thing is of serious importance.

Confession is the sacrament of the tenderness of God, his way of embracing us.

Better be jocund with the fruitful Grape Than sadden after none, or bitter, Fruit.

I never go anywhere without my iPod.

Sport is quite a simple thing. It is play, and in play, people of all ages find the chance to engage their most profound emotions-love, fear, excitement, disappointment, anger and joy.