The logic was, there weren't too many female comedians, so I thought I might as well try a field that had fewer competitors than the field I was in, which was acting, singing and dancing.

I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

When I eventually met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was Always.

I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult.

It wasn't that no one asked me to the prom, it was that no one would tell me where it was.

I was going to have cosmetic surgery until I noticed that the doctor's office was full of portraits by Picasso.

I don't want to push the envelope. Let the envelope stay in the middle of the table. I'll just make you laugh.

I was a ballerina. I had to quit after I injured a groin muscle. It wasn't mine.

In Hollywood a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk.

The word 'aerobics' came about when the gym instructors got together and said: If we're going to charge $10 an hour, we can't call it Jumping up and down.

I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and say to myself "well, that's not going to happen

For any writer who wants to keep a journal, be alive to everything, not just to what you're feeling, but also to your pets, to flowers, to what you're reading.

To me sometimes a mute sky is more expressive than the roaring sea

It may be argued that peoples for whom philosophers legislate are always prosperous.

When you think you're seeing something, what you need to find out is, 'Is that true?

I cannot tell you any spiritual truth that deep within you don't know already. All I can do is remind you of what you have forgotten.

Nobody should get married at 17.

It's hard sometimes to capture magic when it comes to live records.

And in a democracy, when we say we're mad at what's going on, what we need to be saying is we're mad at ourselves.

The result justifies the deed.

I do everything in the third person. Performance is about being someone else.