The longest sentence you can form with two words is: I do.

Love is like war: easy to begin but very hard to stop.

On some great and glorious day the plain folks of the land will reach their heart's desire at last, and the White House will be adorned by a downright moron.

The demagogue is one who preaches doctrines he knows to be untrue to men he knows to be idiots.

The whole aim of practical politics is to keep the populace alarmed (and hence clamorous to be led to safety) by menacing it with an endless series of hobgoblins, all of them imaginary.

Morality is doing what is right, no matter what you are told. Religion is doing what you are told, no matter what is right.

Every normal man must be tempted, at times, to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.

Democracy is a pathetic belief in the collective wisdom of individual ignorance.

The urge to save humanity is almost always a false front for the urge to rule.

It is inaccurate to say that I hate everything. I am strongly in favor of common sense, common honesty, and common decency. This makes me forever ineligible for public office.

Democracy is also a form of worship. It is the worship of Jackals by Jackasses.

'Closed timelike curve' is the jargon for time travel. It means you go out, come back and meet yourself in the past.

Hell itself must yield to industry.

I was fat! I was pustule-rich! I looked like a pink human grenade! When did I blossom into the irresistible little orchid that I am now? I don't know. Getting taller helps. It spreads out a bit.

I loved acting as a kid because I was kind of shy, so it brought me out of myself.

I only wear the latest thing. It's my job.

It seems I’m getting fresher everytime I turn around.

My vision is to work for the relationship between India and Pakistan which would be like the relation between Canada and the United States.

The essence of generosity is letting go. Pain is always a sign that we are holding on to something - usually ourselves.

A fake fortuneteller can be tolerated. But an authentic soothsayer should be shot on sight. Cassandra did not get half the kicking around she deserved.

The price for sitting and watching game shows and betting on lottery is that the vast majority of the viewers will never become rich