The love that comes from friendship is the underlying facet of a happy life.

A Muslim allowed a topless Jew to sit on his camel. And we say we can't live side by side? I say we try and we can and we will. And you don't even have to be topless. L'chaim.

We usually have margaritas on Thursdays but since it's Tuesday I'll make an exception.

Even if times are tough and you're enduring a terrible heartache, it's important to focus your anger on a vibrator, not another person.

Laugh loudly, laugh often, and most important, laugh at yourself.

I can't be skinny all the time. I like to drink and I like to eat. I like burgers and bagels.

I think we can all agree that sleeping around is a great way to meet people.

I'm very much about letting other people shine, because it makes us all shine brighter.

You do not OWN a dog. You HAVE a dog. And the dog HAS YOU

There are no warning signs on the trampoline. The warning is the trampoline.

I don't like the word 'alcoholic'. I like to think of myself as an advanced drinker.

Once upon a time, fairy tales were AWESOME!

Telling my story was supposed to be a good thing but it had just made everything worse.

I think that I've been trying for a long time to feel like I am supposed to, instead of what I actually am.

Criminality is now legal. I guess criminal racketeering these days would be like burning little children at the stake or something. That's about what it takes to get anyone to care.

My favorite Oscar story was a year my brother had been nominated, my whole family went.

To me, ultimately, martial arts means honestly expressing yourself.

I'm of the opinion that it's okay to be silent, to not speak if you don't have anything to say.

Imagination is the light by which we can penetrate new worlds of thought and experience.

An ounce of action is worth a ton of good intentions.

If you want to talk about distributing substances that are lethal, . . . let's be serious. Tobacco is far ahead of anything else. Alcohol is second.