The lunatic fringe wags the underdog.

Love is like war: easy to begin but very hard to stop.

On some great and glorious day the plain folks of the land will reach their heart's desire at last, and the White House will be adorned by a downright moron.

The demagogue is one who preaches doctrines he knows to be untrue to men he knows to be idiots.

The whole aim of practical politics is to keep the populace alarmed (and hence clamorous to be led to safety) by menacing it with an endless series of hobgoblins, all of them imaginary.

Morality is doing what is right, no matter what you are told. Religion is doing what you are told, no matter what is right.

Every normal man must be tempted, at times, to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.

Democracy is a pathetic belief in the collective wisdom of individual ignorance.

The urge to save humanity is almost always a false front for the urge to rule.

It is inaccurate to say that I hate everything. I am strongly in favor of common sense, common honesty, and common decency. This makes me forever ineligible for public office.

Democracy is also a form of worship. It is the worship of Jackals by Jackasses.

It is important to bear in mind that political campaigns are designed by the same people who sell toothpaste and cars.

On TV the people can see it. On radio you've got to create it.

I don't have many friends in Philadelphia. I sort of have one. I have the dog and someone else.

I learned to dance at quinceañeras - big [15th] birthday parties for Spanish girls. It was always funny to bring the white guy out [on the floor] and let him look like a fool.

Don't you get a swollen head. There's always someone who could come and do what you do, maybe even better, so be grateful and work hard.

Two things reduce prejudice: education and laughter.

The most successful people in life are the ones who ask questions. They're always learning. They're always growing. They're always pushing.

Golf is one of the few sports where a white man can dress like a black pimp and not look bad.

To be completely honest with oneself is the very best effort a human being can make.

A clear idea about the nature of quality in art will always result in inferior art tailored to it.