The majority of people who keel over dead at concerts are killed by a long trumpet passage.

Welcome to Lake Wobegon, where all the women are strong, all the men are good-looking, and all the children are above average.

Anyone who thinks sitting in church can make you a Christian must also think that sitting in a garage can make you a car.

It was luxuries like air conditioning that brought down the Roman Empire. With air conditioning their windows were shut, they couldn't hear the barbarians coming.

Even in a time of elephantine vanity and greed, one never has to look far to see the campfires of gentle people.

A lovely thing about Christmas is that it's compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together.

Thank you, God, for this good life and forgive us if we do not love it enough.

The highlight of my childhood was making my brother laugh so hard that food came out of his nose.

Be well, do good work, and keep in touch.

Sometimes there is nothing you can do, and in those times, you must do something anyway.

Beauty isn't worth thinking about; what's important is your mind. You don't want a fifty-dollar haircut on a fifty-cent head. ~Garrison Keillor

I quite agree with Dr. Nordau's assertion that all men of genius are insane, but Dr. Nordau forgets that all sane people are idiots.

I know that some things are beyond our control, some illnesses are beyond our control, we get sick, we don't know why. But let's pledge to do whatever we can to avoid those high medical bills.

The health of a democratic society may be measured by the quality of functions performed by private citizens.

You can't trust politicians. It doesn't matter who makes a political speech. It's all lies - and it applies to any rock star who wants to make a political speech as well.

I love how people in this business push themselves to know themselves, the world, and their creativity better.

We cannot always cry at the right time and who is to say which time is right?

When thou findest thyself scorning another, look then at thy own heart and laugh at thy folly.

The soul will always do what it needs to do.

He that does good for good's sake seeks neither paradise nor reward, but he is sure of both in the end.