The married man has all but eliminated that worry from his life, simply because his wife knows all about him: the good, the bad, and the tiny.

Everyone should have kids. They are the greatest joy in the world. But they are also terrorists. You'll realize this as soon as they are born and they start using sleep deprivation to break you.

Having children is like living in a frat house - nobody sleeps, everything's broken, and there's a lot of throwing up.

That's when you know you're a true married couple: when you have to apologize for what you did in her dream.

The more I go through parenting, the more I say I owe my mother an apology.

Identical twins. I'm glad they're identical 'cause you save money on photographs. That's what I like. Yeah. Here's my little boy. I got another one just like it.

I married a saint - well, a saint who curses.

People think living in your parents' basement until you're twenty-nine is lame. But what they don't realize is that while you're there, you save money on rent, food, and dates.

If my father had hugged me even once, I'd be an accountant right now.

For the sake of your marriage, get a king-size bed. And if you really want to stay married, get two.

I'd rather be in Las Vegas 104 degrees than New York 90 degrees, you know why? Legalized prostitution. In any weather that takes the edge off.

You are never alone, your Angels always whisper to your heart.By silencing your mind, you can be filled with their Love.

I'm not a vain person, but I am human...

When one faces two ghuls, waste no time wishing for fewer.

Buddhas also have to be swept away, because the door can become a hindrance if you cling to it.

Everybody likes to gossip. But it can be a little scary to have people knowing secrets about me when I don't know anything about them. It's not exactly a two-way street there.

Yes, I remember the barbed wire and the guard towers and the machine guns, but they became part of my normal landscape. What would be abnormal in normal times became my normality in camp.

An awareness of our past is essential to the establishment of our personality and our identity as Africans.

I can't remember what Michael Praed looks like. I'm too young!

Love is richest, most genuine, and most long lasting when you focus on being yourself and doing everything you can to make it possible for the other person to be him- or herself.

If there is any justice in the world, then eighties rock will never again serve to blight humanity as it did in that dark decade!