The mayor of Newark, N.J. wants to set up a citywide program to improve residents' health. The health care program would consist of a bus ticket out of Newark.

Work hard, be kind, and amazing things will happen.

Starbucks says they are going to start putting religious quotes on cups. The very first one will say, 'Jesus! This cup is expensive!'

A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that study: 'Duh.'

If life gives you lemons, make some kind of fruity juice.

A new report says that dogs can sniff out prostate cancer with almost 98 percent accuracy. The report also finds that cats can sniff it out with 100 percent accuracy but they prefer to watch you die.

I have an abacus at home.

A new presidential poll reveals that Democrats have the edge among voters under 30. The good news for Republicans is that there's only six people under 30 who actually vote.

Ukraine announced plans to open Chernobyl, their nuclear disaster site, to tourists. They say it's just like Disneyland, except the 6-foot mouse is real.

Santa will be showing up with Rudolph the Red-Eyed Reindeer.

After making insulting remarks about Mexicans, Donald Trump has been kicked off of NBC and Univision. On the bright side, Trump's hair has a new show on Animal Planet.

Love is when the other person's happiness is more important than your own.

Whatever you believe, you will find that you are correct. The Universe has a way of presenting to you exactly what you believe.

It’s fun to watch someone like John Goodman, and yet it takes work. People say ‘he’s not acting, he’s being himself.’ Well it’s hard to be yourself, it’s the hardest job there is.

If I miss anything about the sport, it's the camaraderie of old teammates.

The cosmos doesn’t measure sweat and hours for reward. The cosmos deals in the currencies of joy and satisfaction.

I can tell you categorically that we at 60 Minutes did not pay Michael Jackson one cent.

God commands us to be filled with the Spirit, and if we are not filled, it is because we are living beneath our privileges

What a fool I would have been to let self-respect interfere with my happiness!

There is no wisdom in useless and hopeless sorrow.

In ancient times they had no statistics so they had to fall back on lies.