The media know exactly what they're doing, focusing our attention on Arsenio's hairdo. We need to keep our brains brimming with rubbish. If we didn't, we might think about things.

Dogs are us, only innocent.

If you can't live without me, why aren't you dead already?

There is a microscopically thin line between being brilliantly creative and acting like the most gigantic idiot on earth.

Dogs act exactly the way we would act if we had no shame.

Infidelity is such a pretty word, so light and delicate. Whereas the act itself is dark and thick with guilt, betrayal, confusion, pain, and (okay) sometimes enormous pleasure.

Never judge someone by who he's in love with; judge him by his friends. People fall in love with the most appalling people.

A person who uses party as a verb is a person who will walk into a shop and walk out wearing a rubber jumpsuit.

Friends are the twenty-first-century version of extended families.

we know that our world is corrupt and diseased but we're tired of being cynical and feeling helpless. What the hell, tilt at a windmill.

Show me a woman who is prouder of her clean kitchen than of her collection of lingerie and I'll show you a woman with enlarged pores.

Fighting for peace is not the resolution but loving for peace is the solution.

Life is not like a novel, but a novel can be like life. The best ones always are.

No amount of manifest absurdity... could deter those who wanted to believe from believing.

Lawyers didn't seriously get involved in the Watergate stories until quite late, when we realized we were on to something.

The wideness of the horizon has to be inside us, cannot be anywhere but inside us, otherwise what we speak about is geographic distances.

This always confuses liberals, that conservatives like the military and don't like the bureaucracy. That's because the military has their guns pointed out and the bureaucracy has them pointed in.

Evil is in the face of every frat guy that ever raised a beer cup and went "whoooooo!"

The evolution theory is purely the product of the imagination.

To get better you have to step out of your comfort zone. You can't do the same things you've always done & improve.

Better is the wrong with sincerity, rather than the right with falsehood.