The menu of my mother consisted of only two choices: Leave it or take it

As a child my family's menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.

I've had a few arguments with people, but I never carry a grudge. You know why? While you're carrying a grudge, they're out dancing.

My wife said to me, "I want to be cremated." I said, "How about Tuesday?"

I found out that if you made people laugh, they like you. Most people got to like me because I made them laugh. When they didn't, I hit them.

I've had a good day when I don't fall out of the cart.

Don't carry a grudge. While you're carrying the grudge, the other guys's out there dancing.

Once when I was golfing in Georgia, I hooked the ball into the swamp. I went in after it and found an alligator wearing a shirt with a picture of a little golfer on it.

There have always been mixed emotions about Howard Cosell: Some people hate him like poison; and other people just hate him regular.

I have the gift of laughter. I can make people laugh at will. In good times and in bad. And that I don't question. It was a gift from God.

When I do an hour-and-a-half show, if I don't improvise 20 minutes worth of new material each night, I feel I've let myself down.

O Christmas Sun! What holy task is thine!To fold a world in the embrace of God!

My dreams do not end with playing Major League Baseball.

The Iraqis need help establishing a government. We have to provide them with security.

I started my career as a singer in Japan, but left it all behind to focus on my dancing career.

Even if you build the perfect reactor, you're still saddled with a people problem and an equipment problem.

Dependence is a perpetual call upon humanity, and a greater incitement to tenderness and pity than any other motive whatever.

Stories don’t always have happy endings.

Our current political system ensures not that the worst will get on top - though they often do - but that the best will never even apply.

In an insane world, sanity made very little sense.

I just want to break that song into pieces and love them all to death.