The misconception is that standup comics are always on. I don't know any really funny comics that are annoying and constantly trying to be funny all the time.

If you ever start taking things too seriously, just remember that we are talking monkeys on an organic spaceship flying through the universe.

The people I know that have the hardest time keeping it together emotionally are people that don't workout.

The time you spend hating on someone robs you of your own time. You are literally hating on yourself and you don't even realize it.

One of the most fascinating lessons I've absorbed about life is that the struggle is good.

Build confidence and momentum with each good decision you make from here on out and choose to be inspired.

The key to happiness doesn't lay in numbers in a bank account but in the way we make others feel.

You're just part of the soup of the universe, so just try to enjoy what's good about it.

Greatness and madness are next door neighbours; and they borrow each other's sugar. You don't get there without the other.

This country has a mental health problem disguised as a gun problem, and a tyranny problem disguised as a security problem.

There's a direct correlation between positive energy and positive results.

I don't feel any shame I won't apologize if there ain't nowhere you can go running away from pain when you've been victimized tales from another broken home.

The saddest thing is that every love has an unhappy ending, and all the more unhappy in proportion to how divinely it began, with what wings it first took flight.

I work consistently hard and smart because I understand that I can only flourish by contributing positively to the universe through my daily decisions and actions.

The man who has sufficient power over himself to wait until his nature has recovered its even balance is the truly wise man, but such beings are seldom met with.

I'm here because of what I write. Obviously, I must know something

The particle and the planet are subject to the same laws and what is learned of one will be known of the other.

He ran his hand up and down his left achilles tendon. Very tender; better pay attention to it and back off if it gets any worse. Maybe ice it. The old Injury Evasion Fandango. Did it ever end?

I'm drinking champagne, got the head phones up high, can't numb you out.

I look a bit like him.

[Some men are shortsighted, so] going to prison or going to hell just doesn't matter to these men.