The mobile phone, the fax, emails. Call me old fashioned, but what's wrong with a chain of beacons?

I knew I was going bald when it was taking longer and longer to wash my face.

It's only when you look at an ant through a magnifying glass on a sunny day that you realize how often they burst into flames.

You might heckle me now - but when I get home, I've got a chicken in the oven.

You can tell a lot about someone's personality if you know his star sign -Jesus, born on 25 December, fed the five thousand, walked on water -typical Capricorn.

My dad used to say 'Always fight fire with fire,' which is probably why he got thrown out of the the fire brigade.

I went to a restaurant the other day called 'Taste of the Raj.' The waiter hit me with a stick and got me to build a complicated railway system.

I have a really nice step ladder, sadly, I never knew my real ladder.

never say never. whoops - said it twice

As my father always used to tell me, 'You see, son, there's always someone in the world worse off than you.' And I always used to think, 'So?

Don't matter if you believe in them or not. If they're there, they're there,' Mrs. Phipps said.

Let's just be smart this time. I'm looking for smart.

Man is always and everywhere a blight on the landscape.

When women go off together we call it separatism. When men go off together we call it Congress.

Let every woman, who has once begun to think, examine herself

I cannot attain the intensity that is unfolded before my senses. I have not the magnificent richness of colouring that animates nature.

It is hard enough to be good at all, but to be good in comedy speaks for your character.

Drop all your botheration to me and be free of worry

He's hard-core, but I think he's actually more of an actor.