The modern child will answer you back before you've said anything.

Originality is the fine art of remembering what you hear but forgetting where you heard it.

Equal opportunity means everyone will have a fair chance at being incompetent.

Competence, like truth, beauty, and contact lenses, is in the eye of the beholder.

Don't believe in miracles - depend on them.

An economist is an expert who will know tomorrow why the things he predicted yesterday didn't happen today.

Every girl should use what Mother Nature gave her before Father Time takes it away.

When in doubt or danger, run in circles, scream and shout.

A man doesn't know what he knows until he knows what he doesn't know.

There are two kinds of failures: those who thought and never did, and those who did and never thought

Some problems are so complex that you have to be highly intelligent and well informed just to be undecided about them.

I think comedy has evolved like every art form, and people probably do less standing around and telling jokes, and more things that have to do with reality.

To the victor belong the responsibilities.

The great enemy of morality is indifference.

The only excuse for being broke is being in Jail.

Work is the greatest thing in the world, so we should always save some of it for tomorrow.

I never quite trust futurists because I think they're kind of telling us what they think our future should be.

When you know better and you don't do better, you're no better

You can cram a truth into an epigram - the truth, never.

How do you tell an optimist that he or she has lived a happy life by mistake?

Companies over-emphasize idea generation and under-emphasize idea execution when it comes to innovation.