The more a man dreams, the less he believes.

Love is like war: easy to begin but very hard to stop.

On some great and glorious day the plain folks of the land will reach their heart's desire at last, and the White House will be adorned by a downright moron.

The demagogue is one who preaches doctrines he knows to be untrue to men he knows to be idiots.

The whole aim of practical politics is to keep the populace alarmed (and hence clamorous to be led to safety) by menacing it with an endless series of hobgoblins, all of them imaginary.

Morality is doing what is right, no matter what you are told. Religion is doing what you are told, no matter what is right.

Every normal man must be tempted, at times, to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.

Democracy is a pathetic belief in the collective wisdom of individual ignorance.

The urge to save humanity is almost always a false front for the urge to rule.

It is inaccurate to say that I hate everything. I am strongly in favor of common sense, common honesty, and common decency. This makes me forever ineligible for public office.

Democracy is also a form of worship. It is the worship of Jackals by Jackasses.

It would be the irony of fate if my administration had to deal chiefly with foreign affairs.

You have been criticizing yourself for years and it hasn't worked. Try approving of yourself and see what happens.

Being rich and miserable has got to be better than poor and unhappy.

Well, I think it's pretty much established that I just didn't have any interest in coaching in the pros.

Like many other much-loved humans, they believed that they owned their dogs, instead of realizing that their dogs owned them.

Life is very sweet to me, and there is no position of power or wealth that could tempt me from the throne God has given me.

If I saved all the money I spent on beer, I'd spend it on beer.

It is not permitted that we should know everything.

The Warrior of the Light knows that everyone is afraid of everyone else.

Is it worth getting one more tweet out, or putting your phone down and doing something that is worth tweeting?