The more you can escape from how horrible things really are, the less it's going to bother you...and then, the worse things get.

A mind is like a parachute. It doesn't work if it is not open.

The universe consists of 5% protons, 5% neutrons, 5% electrons and 85% morons.

There are only two things to remember. Number one...Don't Stop, and number two...Keep Going!

The most important thing to do in your life is to not interfere with somebody else's life.

Power will be maintained by the groovy guy or gal who gets the most media coverage for his sleaze. Naturally, his friends in various businesses will do okay, too.

Republicans stand for raw, unbridled evil and greed and ignorance smothered in balloons and ribbons.

Without deviation from the norm, progress is not possible.

Republican is fine, if your a millionaire. Democrats is fair, if all you own is what you wear. Neither of them's really right, cause neither of them care.

It gets harder the more you know. Because the more you find out the uglier everything seems.

The United States is a nation of laws: badly written and randomly enforced.

This is no tall story. Nor is it a short story. Indeed, a story cannot be measured, for their realities stretch far beyond a page or one person’s life.

Seek the blessings each day brings.

[To a priest who smoked:] What a shame for a man to dress like a saint and smell like a devil!

I'm confident you haven't seen the best yet. And I will only get better through time and through tougher competition.

I'm usually the last person to know.

I knew I hated him as only a woman can hate a man, as only a slave can hate his master.

In banking or insurance trust is the only thing you have to sell.

Whoever heard of a neurotic frog? Where do humans get off thinking they're the pinnacle of evolution?

We think we have solved the mystery of creation. Maybe we should patent the universe and charge everyone royalties for their existence.