The more you do stuff, the better you get at dealing with how you still fail at it a lot of the time.

Ill book a ticket on some garbage airline. I dont wanna name an actual airline so lets make one up, lets just call it like Delta Airlines

I was always the squarest person in the cool room, and alternatively, sometimes the weirder person at the mainstream table.

Why do people shush animals? Theyve never spoken

I have a lot of stories about being a kid because it was the last time I was interesting.

I'm a very lucky person. I'm an idiot, and I've shoveled through life rather nicely so far, so I don't feel like I deserve good treatment.

If you’re comparing the badness of two words and you won’t even say one of them [the n-word], that’s the worse word.

All my money is in a savings account. My dad has explained the stock market to me maybe 75 times. I still don't understand it.

I plan to join the 'SNL' band as a maraca player and stand behind saxophonist Lenny Pickett. That way they will at least cut to me before commercial breaks. I'll be sure to look right into camera.

I like when things are crazy. Something good comes out of exhaustion.

Comfort is everything. You start doing something and you want it to be perfect right away, but most babies are born ugly and then they shake it out and you get beautiful toddlers.

To become successful, you have to let go of something to get something else of greater value.

A man has to have something he can put faith in.

I was the class podiatrist. I never made it to class clown. I wasn't funny enough. I would examine feet and prescribe and ointment. It was a sad childhood.

Beauty is a pair of shoes that makes you wanna die.

Everyone traveling alone is just on their phones the whole time.

Fischer, who may or may not be mad as a hatter, has every right to be horrified

Things always seem to glide away. They come to you, stay a moment, then leave again.

And yet, those who speak loudly and call anyone who disagrees with them a wimp often do a disservice to the cause they are promoting.

I didn't know how to be any other way. I felt like one of those barbarian kings just coming to conquer the Roman Empire.

I think of the Catholic worker movement and Dorothy Day and Peter Maurin and others.