The more you know, the sadder you get.

God works in mysterious ways but at least he works, he's never on welfare in a mysterious way.

Folks, I don't trust children. They're here to replace us.

Internet users, that blue screen of death you were looking at this morning? That's the sky. If you're still confused, look it up on Wikipedia tomorrow.

It would be a very short pint. It would be gummy bears and matzah, and be called Chewy Jewy.

I'm a satirist, so I've got boxing gloves on if the person is worthy of satire. But I'm not an assassin.

This is America. We must defend the principles symbolized by Lady Liberty - unless she's on the pill, in which case, she is a giant green tramp.

Don't cry over spilled milk. By this time tomorrow, it'll be free yogurt.

An apple a day keeps anyone away, if you throw it hard enough.

Contrary to what people may say, there's no upper limit to stupidity.

What does Karl Marx put on his pasta? Communist Manipesto!

Fear is a sign to prepare yourself, not to stop.

Would the fish have ever been caught if it had kept it’s mouth shut?

An idle tongue is the mother of all conflicts.

Keep a cool head and maintain a low profile. Never take the lead - but aim to do something big.

If the aging process is controlled in a similar way in worms and humans, then we can use what we learn about worms to speed our study of higher organisms.

Know that there's enough room for everyone to be passionate, creative & successful. In fact, there's more than room for everyone; there is a need for everyone.

The system wants you to be either a bow or an arrow; refuse both, because there is a third choice: To be an archer!

I am inspiring and activating others to wake up to their unique selves to anchor the next stage of our unfoldment.

A lot of bad behavior in singers is caused by nerves.

All women are lips, nothing but lips.