The most abundant element in the Universe is stupidity

A mind is like a parachute. It doesn't work if it is not open.

The universe consists of 5% protons, 5% neutrons, 5% electrons and 85% morons.

There are only two things to remember. Number one...Don't Stop, and number two...Keep Going!

The most important thing to do in your life is to not interfere with somebody else's life.

Power will be maintained by the groovy guy or gal who gets the most media coverage for his sleaze. Naturally, his friends in various businesses will do okay, too.

Republicans stand for raw, unbridled evil and greed and ignorance smothered in balloons and ribbons.

Without deviation from the norm, progress is not possible.

Republican is fine, if your a millionaire. Democrats is fair, if all you own is what you wear. Neither of them's really right, cause neither of them care.

It gets harder the more you know. Because the more you find out the uglier everything seems.

The United States is a nation of laws: badly written and randomly enforced.

Until I knew that it was you inside me, who has so much to say, I hesitated writing.

The march of human progress seemed mainly a matter of getting over that initial shock of being here.

there is nothing like a garden to rest the soul.

I do 100 shows a year, but I do it in fits and starts, as opposed to going on a long run.

Have you ever considered that your perception of reality could be wrong? If you haven't, this is a pretty good sign that it is.

It is difficult to like those whom we do not esteem; but it is no less so to like those whom we esteem more than ourselves.

Haste and escape for your lives, look not behind you, escape to the mountain, lest you be consumed.

Problems reconciling mom and the wife are difficult in the best of times.

We ran, plowing through another pile of peppers. [No, I didn't pick a peck of them, Sadie - just shut up.]

Building trust means thinking about trust in a positive way.