The most common of all antagonisms arises from a man's taking a seat beside you on the train, a seat to which he is completely entitled.

We call ourselves a free nation, and yet we let ourselves be told what cabs we can and can't take by a man at a hotel door, simply because he has a drum major's uniform on.

Why don't you get out of that wet coat and into a dry martini?

The free-lance writer is a man who is paid per piece or per word or perhaps.

You might think that after thousands of years of coming up too soon and getting frozen, the crocus family would have had a little sense knocked into it.

Anyone can do any amount of work, provided it isn't the work he is supposed be doing at that moment.

In America there are two classes of travel - first class, and with children.

Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.

A boy can learn a lot from a dog: obedience, loyalty, and the importance of turning around three times before lying down.

Dachshunds are ideal dogs for small children, as they are already stretched and pulled to such a length that the child cannot do much harm one way or the other.

There is no such place as Budapest. Perhaps you are thinking of Bucharest, and there is no such place as Bucharest, either.

I never expected you to understand, but I did expect you to be there.

If you can cut the head off of this broom-goober with that sword, then I'll believe you can gank zombies with it.

Forty pictures I was in, and all I remember is 'What kind of bra will you be wearing today, honey?' That was always the area of big decision - from the neck to the navel.

Everyone keeps saying the western's dead, but it's not.

Whoever said blondes have more fun hasn't met me.

Most of us, if we are truly honest with ourselves, have an ever-evolving and ever-growing list of what we think we must change in order to be at peace or to be happy.

Birth is the scariest event of most peoples' lives. You have to feel safe enough in your own mind before you can remember your own birth.

Organisation can never be a substitute for initiative and for judgement.

Jesus was a master of grace: he attracted sinners and moral outcasts even as he offended the religious and responsible people of his day.

Become alert! Relationship destroys love, destroys the very possibility of its birth.