The most important part of any CrossFit workout is posting about it endlessly on social media. How about you just brag about all the kettlebell burpees you did to the other whackos in your cult?

Now remember kids if anyone ever offers you drugs say 'Thank you' cause drugs are very expensive.

Stop saying you're not racist because you have a friend that's black. That's like saying you're not a pedophile because you have a friend that's a kid.

I have voices in my head, but they're all speaking Spanish, and I have NO idea what they're saying.

I'll tell you what's better than watching the sunrise... Sleeping through it.

I dated a teacher in high school. Yeah, it didn't make me cooler. And a lot of you are like 'that's cause you were homeschooled'.

Girls say it's hard to find nice guys. It's actually really easy. It's just all nice guys are ugly.

The flat-brimmed cap is the modern day dunce cap.

They say money doesn't buy happiness. That phrase should end with 'just kidding'.

Being an ugly woman is like being a man. You're gonna have to work. Yep.

I do think we can be a little less PC when it comes to sports, though. Just once I want to hear an announcer go 'God, black people are fast. Holy cow! All of them. They're fast. Back to you Bob.'

Go be who you were meant to be, explore your mind, understand you are free.

Perhaps I lost sight of my dreams when I became an adult and resigned myself to acting the way adults were supposed to act.

...You, you look -- bien -- exactly what you were, a high-ranking British officer, used to unwavering obedience and with the air of a Greek god, gazing down on us mere mortals.

Snapchat's the place where people are hearing and learning about culture.

I have had 50 drinks in one go!

When one begins to think of oneself as growing old, one is already old.

Without a battle there is no victory.

When someone wants something then they should be aware that they are taking a risk. But this is precisely what makes life interesting.

Feminazis have adopted abortion as a kind of sacrament for their religion/politics of alienation and bitterness.

What! Have you no monks to teach, to dispute, to govern, to intrigue and to burn people who do not agree with them?