The most important thing about writing a book is having book parties.

The best things in life aren't things.

People who live in glass houses have to wash their windows all the time.

There isn't a child who hasn't gone out into the brave new world who eventually doesn't return to the old homestead carrying a bundle of dirty clothes.

Whether it's the best of times or the worst of times, it's the only time we've got.

The buffalo isn't as dangerous as everyone makes him out to be. Statistics prove that in the United States more Americans are killed in automobile accidents than are killed by buffalo.

You can't make up anything anymore. The world itself is a satire. All you're doing is recording it.

If you attack the establishment long enough and hard enough, they will make you a member of it.

The things that matter most are not things.

This is not an easy time for humorists because the government is far funnier than we are.

I worship the quicksand he [Richard Nixon] walks in.

We may regard certain days as free days. Free days are however fee days. We will pay later

You're not my first. You don't deserve that category. Being first means others will come after you-that we will eventually end. And we don't. You're my last, because you never left.

On a small table beside his chair were other haphazardly stacked volumes by such poets as Emerson, Whitman, and Wallace Stevens, a dangerous crew to let into your head.

My favorite actresses are Cameron Diaz, Julia Roberts and Julie Andrews.

Success in business requires training and discipline and hard work

It is the ordinary woman who knows something about love; the gorgeous ones are too busy being gorgeous.

I'm getting really tired of bleeding. Someone stop the world, I want to get off.

I think we have such a crown jewel in the forgiveness of God, and it changes people's lives.

Let me light my lamp", says the star, "And never debate if it will help to remove the darkness

Life's real victories must be shared.