The most important thing is to write material that YOU think is funny. If you don't think it's funny, but you're convinced that other people will think it is, well they won't.

I wish I had played team sports. I think every kid should. Teamwork builds character - teaches people about leadership and cooperation.

One Christmas my father kept our tree up till March. He hated to see it go. I loved that.

I love Christmas. Frosty the Snowman, peace on Earth and mangers, Salvation Army bell ringers and reindeer, the movie 'Meet Me in St. Louis,' office parties and cookies.

Politicians who wear little tennis socks with the balls at the back should not be taken seriously.

Homemade sweaters are always itchy.

Hypocrisy is great fodder for comedy.

I know a lot about a few things - mostly useless things.

It's much easier to make jokes about sensitive issues if there is some dissent, some conflict.

Christmas is a stocking stuffed with sugary goodness.

One could say, that #‎ Masons were raised right.

An uneducated society will eventually turn into something lower than a herd of animals!

There's no clear water from a muddy well. All you can do is let the silt settle until the water clears otherwise it will taste sour. (paraphrased)

True self confidence happens when you stop blaming others for not seeing what you love about yourself. Not everyone has the same list of needs.

The church doesn’t belong to the pastor

I have no interest in Trump TV. I hear it all over the place.

Whether I was in my body or out of my body as I wrote it I know not. God knows.

I'm not mean, just aggressive.

It is important not to confuse race and religion.

It seems to me far more likely that an advanced civilization would communicate inter dimensionally and telepathically.

Timid salesmen have skinny kids.