The most memorable performance was my appearance in concert in Carnegie Hall. The first standup to do so.

My whole act is confession.

As much experience, education and awareness as one can attain is important for a comedian.

The Steve Allen Sunday night show had the right to two options after my first performance.

Unquestionably, standup comedy is and has always been an art form.

We teach reading, writing and math by [having students do] them. But we teach democracy by lecture.

A hotel is a place that keeps the manufacturers of 25-watt bulbs in business.

I am careful with my material and presentation.

The old problems - love, money, security, status, health, etc. - are still here to plague us or please us.

I was an actor before becoming a comedian.

I developed several comedy phone calls.

I'm pulling out, and I'm going to concentrate every ounce of time and energy over the next week working to defeat the recall because I realize now that's the only way to defeat Arnold Schwarzenegger.

If you're not willing to risk, there are no rewards.

Happiness and freedom begin with a clear understanding of one principle: Some things are within our control, and some things are not.

Death and taxes may be inevitable, but they shouldn't be related.

Gratitude can turn a meal into a feast.

I can dodge bullets, baby!

When we take a slight survey of the surface of our globe a thousand objects offer themselves which, though long known, yet still demand our curiosity.

But this…this kid wasn’t dead yet. Makes no sense to me. (Bubba) Maybe someone spiked his Wheaties? (Nick)

It is remarkable that in all of his writings Paul's prayers for his friends contain no appeals for changes in their circumstances.

You know, with your money and my brains, I mean, there's no telling how far we'd go.