The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for thirty years she served the family nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found.

I never eat in a restaurant that's over a hundred feet off the ground and won't stand still.

Many Texas barbecue fanatics have a strong belief in the beneficial properties of accumulated grease.

The shelf life of the average trade book is somewhere between milk and yogurt.

As far as I'm concerned, 'whom' is a word that was invented to make everyone sound like a butler.

Perhaps we've time to have a look at the Number Thirty-One bus queue before we turn in.

I'm in favor of liberalizing immigration because of the effect it would have on restaurants. I'd let just about everybody in except the English.

Every good idea sooner or later degenerates into hard work.

Did you know that five out of three people have trouble with fractions.

I never did very well in math - I could never seem to persuade the teacher that I hadn't meant my answers literally.

Math was always my bad subject. I couldn't convince my teachers that many of my answers were meant ironically.

Maybe, peace was preferable to pleasure. Maybe, peace is one’s first love.

...you fall in love in three stages: lust, attraction and attachment.

I got tiger blood, man. My brain fires in a way that is - I don't know, maybe not from this particular terrestrial realm.

A winter without snow seems depressing, lacking.

Simplify always - do not complicate.

I think Marco Rubio could never have recovered from revealing himself to be pathetic.

Titanic got 14 nominations one per lifeboat.

Contrology is designed to give you suppleness, natural grace, and skill that will be unmistakably reflected in the way you walk, in the way you play, and in the way you work.

Animals have always left me with a curiosity about human nature. I trust animals more than most people.

Each arrow you shoot off carries its own target into the decidedly secret tangle