The most successful comics are always the hardest-working ones.

I don't mind not being cool; I wear a cardigan.

If you want something Scottish, go get yourself a kilt.

I went to China for a brief working visit, and I thought that Shanghai was interesting, but Beijing totally grabbed me.

I realised that to compare your insides with other people's outsides leads to unhappiness.

Christians, you and your churches don't get to be millionaires while other people have nothing at all. They're your bloody rules! Either stick to them or abandon the faith.

I have learnt that I am incapable of packing the right amount of clothing, probably because I start 10 minutes before I'm supposed to leave, and that I truly hate airports.

I find myself by default an atheist but fairly unhappily so. It would be bloody marvelous if there was a god.

I'm more pompous and self-assured and determined that if - you know - if the truth can be told so as to be understood, it will be believed.

My purist comedy friends accuse me of being a Jack of all trades and master of none.

If Pac-Man had affected us as kids, we'd all be running around in dark rooms, munching pills and listening to repetitive electronic music.

I laughed as we turned in a tight circle... "Tonight you're all mine."Jake smiled but looked me dead in the eye. "No. From now on."My heart skipped. "What?""Yours, " he said simply, "from now on.

Calling a book "Young Adult" is just a fancy way of saying the book is censored.

Evil is a cluster of well orchestrated blind spots. When it manifests itself to excess, we protest and want the blind spots that both produce it and conceal it back, and fast.

Life presents many challenges...Temptation is one of them.. And free will govern us all. We have the power to choose.

If you are going to achieve excellence in big things, you develop the habit in little matters.Excellence is not an exception, it is a prevailing attitude.

There seems to be no lengths to which humorless people will not go to analyze humor. It seems to worry them.

My cousin Francis and I are in perfect accord - he wants Milan, and so do I.

Intelligence can be used to manipulate.

The cow is the purest type of sub-human life.

The only currency still used as a store of value after 5000 years is gold