The most useful form of time travel would be to go back a year or two and rectify the mistakes we made.

When I left school I was full of angst, like any teenager, and I channeled it all into comedy.

It's very likely that graduates, current employees and retirees have some wonderful pieces of Deer Park history in their closets or garages.

Keep yourself busy if you want to avoid depression. For me, inactivity is the enemy.

What fun is life without a bit of showing off?

People see my impressions as a great skill and I am flattered, but there are things I can't do that everyone else can. I can do funny voices and funny faces but I can't drive.

I finally learned to love myself by dressing up as Geri Halliwell.

It's important to hold something back, though, because quite frankly my personal life is pretty dull and I don't want to bore people with it.

If the worst that happens is that I wake up and see a picture of myself and a headline saying, 'He wasn't very funny last night', then I've got nothing to complain about.

Comedians don't have a monopoly on suffering. But creative people are sometimes fortunate enough to be able to incorporate their most traumatic experiences into their art.

I think this [Gnomeo & Juliet] is the closest I ought to get to Shakespeare to be honest.

The difference between a friend and an enemy is friendliness.

I'm glad I never feel important it does complicate life.

I will never apologize for being me, speaking the truth & giving all of me to the world. I will never apologize for being real & how I feel.

Nothing can be more airy and beautiful than the transparent seed-globe-a fairy dome of splendid architecture.

I also wanted to play with Peyton Manning because I thought he could teach me a lot, and he did.

Most furniture is not made for people - they are made for the people who sell them.

The best advice I ever received? Simple: Have no regrets.

It’s been a full week since she left and all you’ve done is sulk like a dying cow. (Kish)

I'm a junkie for exhaustion, and I'm a junkie for setting up my expectations too high and then trying to meet them.

Stupidity is the deliberate cultivation of ignorance.