The mother-in-law is the centre of a family.

I went to my doctor and asked for something for persistent wind. He gave me a kite.

I took the wife's family out for tea biscuits. They weren't too happy about having to give blood though.

I saw six men kicking and punching the mother-in-law. My neighbour said 'Are you going to help?' I said 'No, six should be enough.'

My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well. I was amazed; I never knew they worked.

I went to the doctor last week. I said: 'Can I have some sleeping pills for the wife?' He said: 'Why?' I said: 'She's woke up.

I toyed with the idea of playing Ravel's 'Pavane pour une infante defunte' but I couldn't remember if it's a tune or Latin prescription for piles.

My mother-in-law has come round to our house at Christmas seven years running. This year we're having a change. We're going to let her in.

My lad chewed and swallowed a dictionary. We gave him Epsom salts - but we can't get a word out of him.

A square egg in a dish of lentils won't make a marrow bend with the wind, nor will it make rhubarb grow up the milkmaid's leg.

I don't mind what the critics say, so long as I get some reaction. The worst thing is to be ignored.

It takes a female to have a baby, It takes a woman to raise a child, It takes a mother to raise them correctly, It takes a warrior to show them how to change the world.

The marks we leave are too often scars.

Honesty is nothing more than a party trick, and you know how much I love to dance.

The battle is tough but if you reach where you want to go, then at least in some sense it is worth it.

Things do not pass for what they are, but for what they seem. Most things are judged by their jackets.

It is a perplexing and unpleasant truth that when men already have "something worth fighting for,they do not feel like fighting.

It is well to think well; it is divine to act well.

Anything can happen. Anything happens all the time.

For a noble heart, the most precious gift becomes poor, when the giver stops loving.

If we are together nothing is impossible. If we are divided all will fail.