The new specialty at the Iowa fair this year is fried butter on a stick. Of course, if you're like me and you want like to eat healthy, get your stick of butter baked.

According to a new survey, 90% of men say their lover is also their best friend. Which is really kind of disturbing when you consider man's best friend is his dog.

Here's something to think about: How come you never see a headline like 'Psychic Wins Lottery'?

The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn't for any religious reasons. They couldn't find three wise men and a virgin.

Today is Valentine's Day - or, as men like to call it, Extortion Day!

You can't stay mad at somebody who makes you laugh.

Politics is just show business for ugly people.

CNN found that Hillary Clinton is the most admired woman in America. Women admire her because she's strong and successful. Men admire her because she allows her husband to cheat and get away with it.

I went into a McDonald's yesterday and said, 'I'd like some fries.' The girl at the counter said, 'Would you like some fries with that?'

Bush reiterated his stand to conservatives opposing his decision on stem cell research. He said today he believes life begins at conception and ends at execution.

Magic Johnson, former basketball player, may run for mayor of L.A. in the next election. Remember the good 'ol days when only qualified people ran for office like actors and professional wrestlers.

In dark days, your best shelter is your clever thoughts!

Love means to love that which is unlovable or it is no virtue at all.

History has repeatedly been changed by people who had the desire and the ability to transfer their convictions and emotions to their listeners.

Usually the more money that something takes to make, the less interesting it's forced to become.

[NATO countries] have no respect for our country. They will do it. They'll be happy to do it.

New York: Prison towers and modern posters for soap and whiskey. Pittsburgh: Abandon it.

Unhappiness is really an incorrect way of seeing. When we are unhappy we don't see life as it really is. We are in a condition of veiled light, of shadows.

Go out and do something for somebody. Go out and give something to somebody. It will take you away from yourself and make you happy.

Going on tour, you don't have a lot of time to mull things over. You're just kind of, "Another beer, another show, another song."

I have no regrets whatsoever that I have acted in a way to advance my country's interests