The newspaper is a lecture. The Web is a conversation.

We always ask where the time went. We never ask where it's coming from.

I’ll feel that horrible feeling in my stomach you get when you’ve gone over to the Dark Side. But I’ll be fine. That’s the good thing about the Dark Side. Eventually, your eyes adjust.

Genius flames and dies, but amiable competence can live forever.

I don't believe in the very concept of "first thing in the morning." I'm a "third thing in the afternoon" fellow.

Calculus destroys self-esteem on contact.

If Mother had to be told not to shove the entire brick of Ivory up Junior's hindquarters, constipation is the least of his problems.

There are three stages to a man's life. 1. He laughs at Clark Griswold. 2. He sympathizes deeply with Clark Griswold. 3. He laughs at Clark Griswold.

All you need to know about Arafat was that he insisted on wearing a pistol when he addressed the UN General Assembly. And all you need to know about the UN, I suppose, is that they let him.

I want to believe in intelligent design, and hence I am suspicious of anything that seems to confirm my desire to believe.

When your opponent sets up a straw man, set it on fire and kick the cinders around the stage. Don't worry about losing the Strawperson- American community vote.

If you care about something you have to protect it – If you’re lucky enough to find a way of life you love, you have to find the courage to live it.

To lose the approbation of my dog is a thing too horrible to contemplate.

A woman could be having fun A woman could be like a nun In order to survive We cannot be kind Until we are hurt

Nothing, except what flows from the heart, can render even external manners truly pleasing.

Love surrounds you like steam in the shower. You can't see the individual drops, but you get warm. And wet. And clean.

General Lee, this is no place for you. These men behind you are Georgians and Virginians. They have never failed you and will not fail you here. Will you boys?

I let him know a hurt had been mended in a way that he couldn’t have known, and for that alone there would always be a piece of me indebted to him.

I always carry a camera because it is so important to me to take pictures and document all the incredible things and places I have been able to see through this experience.

A miracle constantly repeated becomes a process of nature.

If she be not honest, chaste, and true, there's no man happy.