The one thing you shouldn't do is try to tell a cab driver how to get somewhere.

Don't keep reaching for the stars because you'll just look like an idiot stretching that way for no reason.

Thank you, people who say 'Wow, you're really photogenic,' for not saying what you really mean: 'Wow, you're really ugly in person.'

Thank you... fantasy football draft, for letting me know that even in my fantasies, I am bad at sports.

In New York, there are so many potholes, they're like craters on the moon. That's another traffic thing.

The man who invented Doritos has passed away at the age of 97. He asked to be buried with the creator of Fritos and Cheetos in a variety pack.

I just really don't like being the center of attention that much. It's kind of ironic.

If you're a sports fan you realize that when you meet somebody, like a girlfriend, they kind of have to root for your team. They don't have a choice.

I know what you want. And I know what you need. But I'm gonna screw it up, yeah, cause I'm an idiot. And I'm your boyfriend.

Researches at Yale found a connection between brain cancer and work environment. The No. 1 most dangerous job for developing brain cancer? Plutonium hat model.

I don't shoot guns. I don't know how to do that. I grew Upstate New York, so I fought with my fists.

Smile and the world smiles with you, cry and you cry alone.

Even though that we were all born to win, but the reality is, only those who are consistent with the right effective actions get to live as winners.

Ghosts don't scare me. Flesh and blood people do.

I wouldn't say I have a lack of fear. In fact, I'd like my fear emotion to be less because it's very distracting and fries my nervous system.

There's more to boxing than hitting. There's not getting hit, for instance.

Like hunger, physical love is a necessity. But man's appetite for amour is never so regular or so sustained as his appetite for the delights of the table.

There's been so much media about me being a surfer dude and a lot of other jobs. I guess it's time to prove myself, to let the people know, heck, I've a brain.

I'd rather buy something that is relatively depressed than something that is relatively high.

Tania, last time in Morozovo, I let you go, but not this time. This time we live together or we die together.

To be very honest with you, there were two big factors: One was that we were initially coming out in that week before Thanksgiving where both Twilight 3D and Happy Feet 2 are coming out.