The only road to doing good shows, is doing bad shows.

When a person tells you that you hurt them, you don't get to decide that you didn't.

The greatest thing about having a child is putting yourself second in your own life. It's a massive gift to be able to say you're not the most important person to yourself.

I don't stop eating when I'm full. The meal isn't over when I'm full. It's over when I hate myself.

I have a lot of beliefs... and I live by none of them...

My kids used to love math. Now it makes them cry. Thanks standardized testing and common core!

When you have bacon in your mouth, it doesn't matter who's president.

Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime. Leave the dude alone and he'll figure it out.

Everything is amazing and nobody is happy

What happens after you die? Lot's of things happen after you die - they just don't involve you

One thing I learned from drinking is that if you ever go Christmas caroling, you should go with a group of people. And also go in mid-December.

Do you realize how hard it is to keep your mind clear when somebody’s telling you to keep your mind clear?

Because I select my players from a feeling that comes to me when I am with them, a certain sympathy you might call it, or a vibration that exists between us that convinces me they are right.

No action hero is more closely associated with cars than James Bond.

Fascism is not an article for export.

Do people still shoot at presidents? I thought there were more stimulating targets.' (20)

For every loss, there is a hidden gain. And for every gain, there is a hidden loss.

I can't take it seriously when people get excited and scream that religion is in danger, and similar stupidities.

At the end of the day, women are expected to hold up the world, not annihilate it.

The military is not a social experiment. The purpose of the military is kill people and break things.

I used to wear different rings when I first got called Ringo in about 19, about, umm, '59 I got called Ringo.