The only thing that hurts more than paying an income tax is not having to pay an income tax.

Minds are like parachutes - they only function when open.

A philosopher is a man who can look at an empty glass with a smile.

A teetotaller is one who suffers from thirst instead of enjoying it.

Sometimes doing nothing is doing something.

Of two evils, choose the more interesting.

Judge not a man by his clothes, but by his wife's clothes.

Minds, like parachutes, only function when they are open.

We have a great regard for old age when it is bottled.

Respectability is the state of never being caught doing anything which gives you pleasure.

Life is a one-way street and you're not coming back.

Often, under the layers of our maturity is a child’s insecurity screaming for love and attention.

This is to the world and how god damn beautiful it is.

I was a commodity, like a hot dog. It was like hot dogs and Betty Hutton.

Speak only the speech that neither torments self nor does harm to others. That speech is truly well spoken.

A day after the faire.

As a Republican, I never expected to be working with Hillary Clinton.

There is a certain amount of purpose, acquiescence, and satisfaction in nursing one's melancholy.

How many people do you know believe they're going to heaven because, they're not trusting so much in Christ as they are the sincerity of the decision they made a long time ago?

When you direct is the only time you get to have the world exactly how you want it. My movies are very close to what I set out to do. And I'm super-opinionated about what I do and don't like.

Time clocks rob the world of wild possibility. That's what they're for.