The only thing that makes me cry at weddings is the DJ's playlist.

James Franco, acting, teaching, directing, writing, producing, photography, soundtracks, editing - is there anything you can do?

Have you ever noticed that your ugliest friend is the most afraid of getting ruffied? It's like relax. YOU can take the coaster off your drink. There are at least three of us in line ahead of you.

Love is telling someone their hair extensions are showing.

Justin's fan are called Beliebers because it's politically incorrect to use the word retards.

I'm not saying Martha Stewart is old, but she needs a new Walker more than the 'Fast and Furious' franchise.

Gluten free pizza elicits the same response at a hollywood party that a pile of cocaine did in the 80's.

College seems like a pretty expensive way to become an alcoholic.

If Jesus had known that his image would end up on Justin Bieber's calf, he would've never started Christianity.

Why does every flight attendant seem like they are going through a divorce?

Have you ever noticed that your ugliest friend is most afraid of being raped?

Consider your body and mind as a machine that runs a program

Even the best Mindset will become contaminated and eventually blunted in a toxic organisational culture.

The simplest of women are wonderful liars who can extricate themselves from the most difficult dilemmas with a skill bordering on genius.

Wisdom often consists of knowing what to do next.

I devoted myself simply to being a solitary person entrusted with a specific task.

Is it time for your medication or mine?

The single most impactful thing you can do today is adopt a more plant-based diet.

The harder survival becomes, the more you want to pull together. And the more you want to pull together, the harder survival becomes.

A dog is much like a married man, obeying his master's voice for the sake of his master's touch.

Never lie under any circumstances.