The only thing wrong with immortality is that it tends to go on forever.

The trouble with born-again Christians is that they are an even bigger pain the second time around.

A man begins cutting his wisdom teeth the first time he bites off more than he can chew.

Cockroaches and socialites are the only things that can stay up all night and eat anything.

I hope I go to Heaven, and when I do, I'm going to do what every San Franciscan does when he gets there. He looks around and says, 'It ain't bad, but it ain't San Francisco.'

I sometimes worry about my short attention span, but not for long.

Isn't it nice that people who prefer Los Angeles to San Francisco live there?

A city is not gauged by its length and width, but by the broadness of its vision and the height of its dreams.

San Franciscans have a bond of self-satisfaction bordering on smugness.

It is better to have loved and lost, but only if you have a good attorney.

There are a thousand viewpoints in the viewtiful city.

You know the old adage: give a woman a bag and she'll fill it for a day. Teach a woman to pack and she'll fill every damn bag she owns (or something of that ilk).

We're in a new world. We're in a world in which the possibility of terrorism, married up with technology, could make us very, very sorry that we didn't act.

Every man who is not a monster, a mathematician, or a mad philosopher, is the slave of some woman or other.

Had I been blessed with even limited access to my own mind there would have been no reason to write.

You have to know what you need. You need someone who's going to really push you hard. But they also need to understand that, emotionally, sometimes today's not the day to push so hard.

People have been asking me if I was going to have kids, and I had puppies instead.

You wouldn't say ' You've got the crappest eyes I've ever seen. Your eyes make me physically sick.

Whatever truth we feel compelled to withhold, no matter how unthinkable it is to imagine ourselves telling it, not to is a way of spiritually holding our breath. You can only do it for so long.

I hate that word, mature, but I guess I am growing up.

I have the wherewithal to challenge myself for my entire life. That's a great gift.