The only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally got gin in the steam iron.

We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.

A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.

If you don't have wrinkles, you haven't laughed enough.

Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age - as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.

I've tried Buddhism, Scientology, Numerology, Transcendental Meditation, Qabbala, t'ai chi, feng shui and Deepak Chopra but I find straight gin works best.

Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?

The reason women don't play football is because 11 of them would never wear the same outfit in public.

Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.

Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.

My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor.

People can do great things. However, there are some things they just CAN'T do. I, for instance, have not been able to transform myself into a Popsicle, despite years of effort.

Unclean life is ungodliness.

Life is like a book. It is your decision to narrate it or to live it

Communication is not a two way street. It is a bridge. Either you have one or you build one. It's about connecting, not correcting.

A river cuts through rock, not because of its power, but because of its persistence.

I don't watch trailers, I like to go into every movie fresh.

I feel that doing theater does give you a good grounding to work on camera. The audience is the lens.

I have found that all ugly things are made by those who strive to make something beautiful, and that all beautiful things are made by those who strive to make something useful.

There was much conversation, most of which sounded like the rest of it.