The only time the press doesn’t sensationalize information is when one of their own is kidnapped. Interesting how they show restraint then.

While There may be power in forgiveness, there is even more power in lobbing a Molotov cocktail through someone's dining room window.

The funniest people I know always seem to be the ones surrounded by darkness. And that’s probably why they’re the funniest. The deeper the pit, the more humor you need to dig yourself out of it.

I'm embarrassed for us as a free society that we actually want people punished for saying things we don't like.

What's the name of the birth defect you have, trampled by a horse during the 2nd trimester?

Why is comedy the only form of the arts where people think they have to agree with or approve the content? You don't walk through a museum with a towel and throw it over paintings you don't like.

People are dumb and they think that laughing equals cosigning a belief in the ideology, which it doesn't.

I wish I had AIDS so I could bite somebody.

I hope you have a miscarriage on a Walmart floor and have the baby's room already decorated.

I had a three year relationship end. Ever have somebody just freak out on you in a relationship? Things are going great. After three years she wants to run out and find a guy that doesn't hit her.

Get a in clothes dryer with Magic Johnson and some razorblades.

A man's vanity often goes hand in hand with his lack of knowledge.

When in a frying pan, thank your stars. You will reminisce about it moments later, when you fall in the fire.

The people who misuse the Sabbath lose the blessings of spiritual food and growth promised to those who keep this commandment.

Citizen Kane is perhaps the one American talking picture that seems as fresh now as the day it opened. It may seem even fresher.

When you fight, anger drives up testosterone in both men and women.

I bet we'll see a lot of demagoguery [in Donald Trump speech] about the 10,000 Syrians that [Barack] Obama has allowed to be resettled here.

People always arrive promptly at the places where they are expected.

With the groups who asked me to join them - like the Rolling Stones, Spirit, David Bowie, and Blood, Sweat & Tears - I said no right away because I was way too much into my own thing.

Trump says he wants to run for president. Why not? It wouldn't be the first time he pushed a black family out of their home.

The world I've grown into at the moment is becoming increasingly more disturbing and unsettling.